Life likes to send us the most amazing moments, and some of the hardest. We will have moments of such greatness we feel like our hearts just ache with joy. Some of us will even cry due to the pure amount of bliss and joy we feel at that moment. Then it will hand us the dark ones, the ones we wish would could just dig out of. Ones that feel like no matter how much we search for the silver lining there isn’t one.
I’ve spoken a lot about PPD as of late, however I was given a request by some one who follows me on here. She asked if I would write about unexpected friendships today. Now I wasn’t sure how to start with such a post to be honest. I found myself struggling how to talk about them, but then I re-read what she asked for. It wasn’t really unexpected friendships, but friendships you never thought or wanted to happen. Now that is something I can relate to. There is a few people in my life (one from way back in high school) I wanted to dislike very much. They where loud, they cursed too much, and in some cases I even felt they where below me. That’s everyone, I did the first mistake you can when meeting someone, I pre-judged. This woman was rough around the edges, and would tell anyone to f-off. Want to know who she is to me today? One of my best friends, in fact I am even standing up in her wedding come October. She in fact is like a sister to me, and drives me just as crazy as a sister would too. Another someone I was shocked to become friends with, two of my daughters step-moms. It’s easy to resent a new person in your child’s life, especially when your child talks non stop about them to you. It’s also a stab to the heart to hear them call them Mom.
Now I have an on a few cases looked at my child and gone “Who” When they called their step-mom ‘Mom’. It hurt so bad, to the point I cried myself to sleep for a while. I felt replaced, unneeded, and frankly replaceable as a mother. My daughter called another woman someone who did not carry her for nine months, someone who didn’t damage their body to bring her into this world, Mom. The pain hurt, the pain in fact made me bitter for a small while. With one of the step moms it still does. (yes there is more than one.) However with two of them, I found I fell into an honest to god friend-ship with, and now I don’t see them as the step-mother. I see them as my childs second Mom. These two lovely girls have blossomed into such wonderful girls due to these two woman who put aside ‘Not my kid’ thoughts, and instead said ‘I love her’. One of the hardest of things to do is to be able to love someone else’s child. Hands down, I have dated men who children before, and its odd being the new person. It’s also hard to be the child meeting said new parent.
I am a child who was raised that it was normal to be in a blended family. I have now had three men step into the father role in my life. My biological father left when i was no more than three years of age. I only have a handful of memories of him, the most of them in which i watched him die.
The second was a step-father who beat the living snot out of me as I was growing up. I was reminded over and over again, I wasn’t his kid. I was never good enough for his love. I was also not allowed to call him Dad, as he would remind me. I spent thirteen years of my youth under the thumb of a man who resented who helped create me, and for the fact I was not his child. That I never would be, I had the bruises to show it. When my Mother and him separated I watched what it did to my younger two sisters, who were children. I watched the heart eche, and the pain they went through. So when I was introduced to the newest man in my life to be called Dad, I was reluctant. All I ever knew was the fear i had as a child from Step Dad number one. However step dad number two treated me like his own. Loved me as he did his own children, and even stayed at my side during one of the most painful moments of my life. He was there to help me when i said goodbye to my bio dad, he held my hand/leg when i pushed out my first child. He was even there for me when I watched my first daughter struggle to breath on her own.
I saw him in these two amazing woman, two woman I knew for a fact would make sure my children would never suffer as I had. I let my resentment go, and let these two amazing woman into my heart. For it I gained two amazing supportive, and at times yes frustrating woman into my life. My daughters don’t have one mom, they have two. I hope I will be able to say such things about my oldest daughters step mom some day too.
So i hope this helped with what my reader was seeking. That yes sometimes we do fall into friendships that are hard to have at first, but those are the friendships you should cling too. After all those are the people worth having in your life.
I have always thought of a quote when i meet someone new. I don’t remember where I first heard it but it packs a punch.
Are you a passing figure in my life’s story, or am I a temporary one in yours?